Today I decided to look at my inner self, using some chakra wisdom cards and questions I wanted to ask about my personal, money and creativity, three questions on each. With the cards I had the sense of direction, and also the ability to answer honestly questions about myself and purpose of myself, what are my abilities, my obstacles and how my chosen direction was going. I wrote down my thoughts and possible, pros and cons of each of my desired outcomes. Some truths and fears that are proven difficult for me to overcome.
Through meditation I managed to connect with my inner self, control my breathing, and think what did I actually want? What were my plans? How did I feel? Was I afraid, and therefore lack confidence to proceed with my true ambition in life? I was able to see the wood through the trees 🌲 and for once 🎤see clearly now the rain ☔️ has gone 🎼
The outcome for me at this time,is the feeling of confidence, a good idea of how to calm my thoughts, and recover some of my hopes and aspirations I had before my PTSD raised its ugly head. I now realise that fighting against myself, my frustrations and anger for my invisible disabilities, have hindered me and my desired progress. I have used so much time and energy trying to find answers to questions I already know. I need to find acceptance and work through my frustrations with answers that are manageable rather than setting the bench so high that I am setting myself up to fail. This approach is doomed. Now my approach is regular breathing exercises, meditation and time out from the hustle and bustles of everyday life. This I feel is achievable and I can have realistic goals that I can make little steps in achieving what I desire. It allows me to connect with my inner self and scan my body and mind to see that I am ok, and that I can now feel calm and relaxed even if it’s momentarily.
For me I have made my first baby steps into my future. The here and now, living in the present moment rather than being trapped in the past. At times this proves a very difficult task indeed. But now I have hope and a little light burning inside of me pushing me on in a positive manner.
The key to positivity is meditation and courage to reach out for my own desires. An acceptance of myself and also the ability to believe in myself.